Laundry Lapsed!

I sometimes get distracted and lack the necessary follow-through on basic household chores.  My husband has given me reminders when I have walked away from a task and failed to return to it for several days and yet sometimes I continue to get side tracked and end up spanked.

Laundry is one of those things that has a start and a finish but it does not require my undivided attention since I am not going to stand around and watch a load wash (even though the washer would allow me to do that since it has a glass door on the front) and I am not going to wait for the dryer to complete its cycle.  The trick is in the timing.  I put in a load of wash, return to put it in the dryer, and return once more to remove the clothes to be folded and put away.  Often the clothes end up on the bed briefly because I walk away from them and return a short time later to put them away because I need to put the load from the washer into the dryer and then start a new load in the washing machine.  Laundry can take all day to complete but I am doing other things at the same time while the machines do the work.  My difficulty is in remembering that I am doing laundry when I am also busy doing other things.

There have been occasions when I have walked away from a load of clothes on the bed and not made it back right away to finish the job of folding them and putting them away.  Usually I will return at a later time, see the laundry pile, and take care of it before the wrinkles set in too badly.  Sometimes I don't get to the load in the dryer right away and I have to set it on a tumble press cycle to work out the wrinkles that have set while the clothes were sitting in the dryer.  On occasion it has taken a day or more to return to the load because, unlike a pile on the bed, it is out of sight and out of mind.  I typically realize that there is a missing load when someone runs out of socks or underwear and they can easily be retrieved from the dryer because wrinkles are not an issue with undergarments such as socks and underwear.

The real problem is forgetting about a load of wash for a few days because it slipped my mind and I did not notice the clothes stuck to the sides after a spin cycle, even though a keen observer can see them through the glass door on the front of the washer.  When I forget a load of wash for a few days, the result is foul smelling laundry that needs a repeat wash (which unfortunately uses more soap, water, and electricity than necessary).  Somehow my husband has an eye for laundry that I do not have.

Not long ago I left a load of wash in the washer long enough to cause a stink and I was warned that if it continued to happen I would be spanked.  I agreed because I am aware that it is a problem for me and something I need to correct.  Unfortunately I did not figure out a solution to the problem and it happened again.

I am not sure what day last week I decided to do laundry but what I am sure about is that a load was still in the washer today when my husband came home from work and I had not done laundry today.  When he asks questions that do not seem to require a specific answer I can get often away with being vague and sometimes that works.  For example, he may ask, "how long has that load of laundry been in the washer?" and I may answer, "not long" and he will accept that for an answer.  Not today!  My error may have been that I had not even realized that there was anything in the washer because it had been last week since I did laundry.  Somehow, "huh, what laundry?" is not an acceptable answer to the question when I have already been given a fair number of warnings.

So, I had a spanking coming but because my husband did not put me over his knee right then and there, I thought I was going to get away with another warning.  I added soap and ran the washer, then walked away from it and continued working on other things.  I checked my e-mail and to my surprise my husband had posted on his blog that his wife would be spanked soon!  I am a follower on his blog so I get updates everytime he posts and there have been times I wondered if I was due for a spanking based on something he posted.  This left little room for doubt that he intended to spank me even though he had not done so right away.  I don't do well with the anticipation of a spanking and he knows it.  Still, he sometimes tells me I am going to be spanked without actually spanking me then and there.

I know some women actually enjoy the emotional tension that accompanies the anticipation of a spanking but not me.  If I had access to pain killers that I could take prior to a spanking it might be good to know it was coming but since I don't have a prescription for narcotics it does me no good to wait for the moment to come when I will be feeling painful sensations across my bare bottom.  When I am spanked I really prefer to have it happen immediately because then it is over with before I have a chance to try thinking my way out of it.

The "lecture" part of a spanking has to happen before my mind can attempt to process the situation from an innocent standpoint rather than a guilty one, and the physical part needs to follow for it to have the intended impact.  The more time there is between a behavior and consequence, the more time I have to justify the behavior instead of the consequence.

My husband is fair so when he decides to spank me it is because I need a spanking.  I accept the spanking because I trust him to be fair.  I don't question his authority over me unless he gives me the opportunity to question him.  When my husband says he is going to spank me but then there is a lapse of time between the words and his action, I take that to mean that there is a chance he will change his mind or that I can change his mind for him.  He may be unaware that this is how my mind works under the circumstances but I have often had people tell me they will do something and they don't follow through, leaving me to doubt that they mean what they say.  My husband has on occasion made references to wanting to spank me for something that he didn't spank me for so perhaps that has led me to believe that there is an opportunity for negotiation when it comes to his decision to spank me.  Whatever the reason, the fact is that the more time I have between being told I will be spanked and the actual spanking, the more likely I will recover from the instant feeling of remorse and end up with a more defiant attitude that is harder to break through.

Another thing that I have difficulty with is combining discipline with sex.  For me, sexual contact with my husband is about me wanting to please him and wanting him to be pleased with me.  I do not find spankings erotic or pleasurable but I do find sex to be pleasurable.  It is difficult for me to transition from the acceptance that I have done wrong and deserve to be spanked as a result of my behavior to then having sexual desires.  I am available to my husband sexually whenever he has a sexual desire for me and yet spankings and sex don't mix as well for me as they do for him.  He may be aroused when spanking me because he thinks I have a beautiful bottom and his spanking me is a loving gesture but my mind has a hard time mixing pain and pleasure the way some people do.

When I am truly ashamed for disappointing my husband it is hard to feel desirable at the same time, even if he finds me desirable.  I know he likes the appearance of my bottom when it has been spanked and I want to please him sexually but a spanking is not in the same category as erotic foreplay in my mind.  I am not sure how to get my mind to be more cooperative in this area.  I am most definitely sexually submissive and prefer a sexually dominant partner so I want my husband to take the lead in the bedroom.  I don't mind having sex immediately following a spanking but I personally would prefer the spanking and sex to be separate as much as possible with more sex than spankings.

My husband has made comments that I should be spanked more than I am and I know that he lets me off at times when a spanking is deserved.  It is possible I would do a better job keeping up with this blog if I were spanked more frequently because it gives me something to write about, LOL.  He asked me earlier if I was testing his resolve and I don't think that is the case.  I want to be an obedient wife and yet I know that my strong personality has the potential to create powers struggles if I were to choose to be rebellious against my husband's authority in our relationship.  Fortunately my husband would spank me rather than allow that to happen to our relationship.

It is not the spankings I like, rather I like the fact that he will put me over his knee and spank me when it is for my own good.  It is not only my thinking that I can say or do something to convince my husband that I have learned my lesson without his enforcing the message in my brain with a physical reminder, it is the thinking that I can manipulate time in order to change the behavior that got me into trouble.  By the time I am over his knee with my pants down, my mind has already corrected the problem by going back in time and avoiding the mistake that led to the punishment.  In addition, my brain comes up with every justification imaginable so that instead of getting caught and being accountable right away, I manage to deflect the blame onto an entirely different set of circumstances.  In the case of the laundry, I actually came up with the idea that my husband had put the clothes in the washer and left them there instead of me so I was being unjustly punished for his amusement!  Of course that was nowhere near the truth but it is an example of how desperately I will seek to remove myself from the consequences of my own behavior if given enough time to think my way out of an upcoming spanking. 

Crossing the Line

I was in court yesterday and heard testimony from a father about a spanking he gave his daughter.  It surprised me that he was reading from a prepared statement that sounded so much like the descriptions of spankings I have heard in other contexts. 


The teenager had been communicating with her boyfriend through e-mail using sexually explicit language that the parents rightly felt was inappropriate.  When they asked to see the messages the girl said they were gone from her computer and she did not know what happened to them.  After more questioning she admitted that she had deleted the messages so her parents would not see them because she knew it was wrong for her to be using the language she had in the messages.  Not only had she engaged in unacceptable behavior but she lied about her cover-up attempts.  The father stated in his testimony that it had been two years since the girl had received her last spanking.  He told her that she would be spanked for what she had done and then he told her to go downstairs and prepare herself.


The girl apparently knew the drill because she pulled down her pants and bent over the bed for the spanking.  The father removed his belt and he administered the spanking on her bare bottom.  The girl's mother was a witness to be sure she was not harmed excessively and the father did not lose his temper or his self-control.  He stated that there were no marks at the conclusion of the spanking but he did not specify how long it lasted or to what severity he had struck her backside with the belt.  It was not an unusual punishment and it was over and done with following a brief scolding and a final reprimand.  Afterwards the family watched a movie together and went on with their usual evening routine.  I did not find any reason to think the father was doing anything other than disciplining his daughter.


The judge had stopped the man when he got to the part about taking off his belt and warned him that he was giving public testimony so anything he said could and would be used against, him but the man continued to describe what he had done to discipline his daughter.  After the viral video of the Texas judge using a belt on his non-compliant daughter so that the discipline involved abusive language towards her and strokes of the belt on her thighs instead of her bottom, it was clear that the description the man was about to give could have been considered abusive to those in the courtroom listening and to the female judge determining whether or not he had crossed the line.  The father continued because what he did was not abusive towards his daughter, rather it was a form of discipline that he had used in the past without crossing the line of discipline into the realm of abuse.


My husband is able to administer a scolding and spanking in a calm collected manner and he is able to inflict enough pain to get a message across without going too far.  I respect him for this and I trust him to be fair with me when discipline is administered.  A spanking hurts but that is why it is effective and it is far less hurtful than other more longterm consequences society would impose as a means of justice.  When it is done right, it is not abusive and it brings family members closer together in a loving relationship built on trust and respect.


There are situations when spanking crosses the line and becomes abuse.  What I saw in the seven minute video of the judge and his daughter was nothing compared to what I experienced at the hands of my own father, who had a violent temper and easily lost control of his anger, and yet it was not what I would consider an act of discipline due to the verbal assault that went along with the physical assault.  I don't know if there was any lasting physical damage to the teenager but I am guessing the judge's words did not do anything to bring them closer together as a family.  It may not have met the legal definition of abuse but it was certainly questionable.  The spanking I heard the father describe in the courtroom yesterday did not seem to concern the judge but that may have been partly because the father had stated at the end of his testimony that his daughter may have been too old to spank so it gave the impression that he would not be using the belt on her again.  Sometimes when hand spanking fails to be effective parents turn to the use of a belt or paddle in order to get through to a defiant teenager and the use of an implement can cause more damage than necessary, particularly if the parent is striking in anger and not love. 


The goal with discipline is not to damage a person but to correct them in a way that will be memorable.  I might think that picking up my husband late after work when I need the car for the day is no big deal but when he gets off work, worn out from his exhausing work day, he wants to be able to leave right away and not stand around waiting for me to get there.  There is no reason I can't budget my time to pick him up on time so if I am late he would very likely want to spank me right there and let me think about it on the seated ride home.  I accept that he is not asking too much by wanting me to be on time so I would accept a spanking in order to help me be on time the next time.  Fortunately for me, a warning is usually all it takes for me to change my bad habits!  When he asks me to pick him up at a particular time I am sure to get there a bit early just to make sure I am not late so the first time I was late and was told what would happen if it happened again will hopefully be the last time I am ever late to pick him up.  I prefer my husband spend his time after work admiring my bottom rather than spending time with me over his knee because I have disappointed him.


My husband never looks for reasons to spank.  He knows that he can have my naked bottom across his lap anytime he wants to admire it or even pat it playfully.  He can walk in the kitchen as I am cooking supper and pull down my pants just to caress my bare bottom if he is in the mood.  My body is his to enjoy and I would not deprive him from expressing his love for me in physical ways.  When I am spanked it is an entirely different mood that is created and one I don't want to provoke.  I don't enjoy being spanked but I do appreciate how it helps me stay more focused and gives him a means of feeling in control as the head of our household (we both know that women are clever enough to establish control in ways that allow men to think they have all the control, LOL).  It brings us closer together while unresolved conflict just pushes us apart.


I am glad to know that people are able to use spanking the way we do in order to strengthen their relationships through respect and trust.  There are people who will abuse their authority and mistreat those they claim to care enough about to discipline but that does not make the act of spanking a form of abuse.  It is so much more harmful to pull away from people we love in order to avoid conflict.  I personally don't believe that teenagers become "too old" to be spanked since I am a grown woman who still benefits from being spanked.  It used to be that a girl grew up under her father's authority and then accepted her husband's authority in much the same way.  If a father or husband abuses his authority and harms her she is not likely to be willing to submit to his authority but if he uses his authority as a means of expressing his love and concern for her wellbeing then her submission can be a blessing to them both.

Regret to Remorse

It is not hard for me to regret a mistake but a reaching a deeper sense of remorse can more difficult.


I repeated a mistake I have made in the past because it is easy for me to justify my actions and to avoid consequences.  I frequently shop at second hand stores and on occasion, when I don't have enough money, I take something without paying for it.  Everything in the store has been donated so it does not cost the store anything, also they throw away so many items that they never miss the few things I have taken.  Still, in my conscience I know that it is stealing and that stealing is wrong.  I also know that if I were caught, I would face criminal charges and my family would suffer negative consequences as a result.  Unfortunately it is so easy to get away with stealing that I don't consider just how risky my behavior is while I am doing it.  Afterwards I realize that I have taken an unnecessary risk but because it is like reverse gambling where I win rather than lose, there is an addictive aspect to shoplifting. 

I know that the only way for me to break this bad habit is to have negative consequences in place that will help me avoid doing what I know is wrong.  Spanking is usually a good motivator for me but unfortunately I have repeated this behavior, even after being spanked for it.  Typically being spanked causes me to feel a sense of regret but I don't seem to feel the remorse that would make spanking a less desirable outcome than stealing.

On Saturday I took an item from a second hand store that would have cost $3.99 plus tax if I had paid for it.  It fit easily in my pocket and I was able to pocket it without being noticed, which is not hard to do when store employees are not very attune to loss prevention.  It is something I have been searching for specifically for many months so I was glad to have found it.  If money had not been an issue, I would have paid for it instead of taking it without paying for it.  It is something I will use frequently and could not have afforded to purchase new so the temptation to take it was greater than the internal conflict created when I contemplate doing something I know is wrong.

The guilt tends to build over time for me, once the thrill of getting away with shoplifting has subsided and the rush is gone.  It was my guilty conscience that lead me to confess my guilt to my husband Saturday night.  I tried explaining my actions in a way that I thought would gain his support of my behavior, even though I knew that what I did was wrong.  I figured that if he supported my decision to take the item then I would not need to debate the issue in my mind any longer.  He was just falling asleep so I did not think there was much threat of getting spanked right then if he decided that is what was needed.  Also, there was a chance that he was sleepy enough that by morning he would forget what I had told him and I would be off the hook.

To my surprise, my husband responded by telling me to close the bedroom window.  I asked if he thought it was getting too cold to leave it open at night and he said it was so no one would hear me getting spanked.  I managed to convince him that he needed his sleep more than I needed to be spanked right then, which allowed me to put it off and to think I would get out of it if he were to forget.  The next morning I thought he had forgotten because he did not bring it up and I did not dare mention it.

Before we headed for church on Sunday morning I made a disrespectful comment and he said that I already had one coming and asked if I was trying to add more to it.  That was when I realized he had not forgotten about the spanking like I had thought.  At least he did not have time then to spank me before we went to church and there was always a chance I could still get out of the spanking.  Comments he made throughout the day made it clear that his CRS (Can't Remember Shit) was in remission and I was in trouble.

We went to the fair after church on Sunday and while wandering around in the pavilion there was a vendor selling sandstone and mink oil guaranteed to soften even a carpenter's rough hands.  My husband has hands of steel with the texture of leather so a hand spanking can be severe enough to make implements unnecessary.  I suggested he give the miracle cure a try and the woman who gave us the sales pitch thought I was suggesting it because I was concerned about holding his rough hand.   It made us laugh because we both knew that I had a spanking coming and I was hoping this hand treatment would soften the feel of his rough hand on my bottom, LOL.

We stayed at the fair longer than we planned so it was late when we got home.  Since my husband goes to work early in the mornings he has to get to bed early at night while I stay up and make his lunch and set the coffee pot for the morning.  I thought he was heading to bed when he closed the living room window behind the couch.  Instead he told me to "come here" and I knew what was coming then.  I tried to stall and put it off another day but he had already decided what was to be done so disobedience would only make the spanking worse.  I had put it off as long as possible and he had not forgotten.

I respect my husband so in all honesty I would have been more disappointed if he had not taken care of the issue than I was with the prospect of getting the spanking I deserved.  There is always apprehension when going over his knee because I know it is going to hurt but I also trust him to be fair so I submit to his authority.  I got one set of hard swats, a brief reprieve during scolding, and then another set of hard swats.  All I could think about was how much it hurt and how much I did not want to steal again.  My bottom was tender when he held me and told me he loved me.  There is no doubt I was spanked soundly, as he is a very effective spanker, but I was not bruised and the effects did not last overnight so I am not feeling any soreness today.

What concerns me now is that last night I was thinking it was not worth it but today I am thinking that it was worth it after all.  I think that my avoidance of the spanking when I was in a state of regret did not allow me to reach a state of remorse from the spanking.  The guilt that leads to confession seems to get pushed from my mind when there is a delay between the overwhelming feelings of guilt and the overwhelming discomfort of a spanking.  It seems that to be truly effective the mental and physical have to come together at the same time or I don't gain the full impact of the punishment.  Somehow in seeking to avoid the spanking, I was able to avoid feelings of accountability during the spanking since time had allowed me to distance myself from my emotions.

My husband did not spank me as severely as he could have done because he is very capable of causing bruising that lasts a week and makes sitting a painful reminder.  This could have been because the price of the item I stole was minor and it was from a second hand store, which is how I am able to minimize the behavior when I shoplift. It could have been because he was tired and wanted to take care of business as effortlessly as possible before heading to bed.  It could have been because he had other things on his mind (we were intimate immediately following the spanking).  I am grateful that I am not sore today and that he did not mark me because those things are not essential for me to learn my lesson.  However, what seems to be missing is that I did not reach a mental state of remorse that would help me avoid repeating a mistake I have already repeated on a number of occasions. 

In the past I have had a serious problem with shoplifting so there has been a definite improvement.  Where I still struggle is with my thinking that it is not a big deal when I take things from second hand stores.  When the thought to take something enters my mind I want to be able to think it is not worth it so I won't be so tempted again.  I want to remember how painful the consequences will be if I were to do it again so I won't do it again.  I am ashamed that I have this problem and I want to do whatever it takes to fix the problem so I won't put myself at risk of getting arrested and having criminal charges on my record.

I don't know if spanking as a consequence will cure me of this problem but it has helped me in other areas of my life.  I know that if I were in Eve's position in the Garden of Eden I would have sinned and eaten the apple just as she did so I have no doubt that I need to submit to a HOH who will keep me accountable.  I have always been considered "difficult" and even "rebellious" because I push limits and cross the line.  I don't expect my husband to "cure" me of this sinful nature but I want to be held accountable and I need to be punished for my own good.  This knowledge is what leads me to confess my sins and submit to authority for punishment when it is deserved.

I don't know what it would take for me to feel more remorseful for taking this item from a second hand store.  Part of my submission is to trust my HOH to determine an appropriate punishment so I can let go of the guilt and not punish myself endlessly for something I can't go back in time to correct.  I need his forgiveness when I do wrong so I can forgive myself rather than to hide my guilt and shame where it tears me apart inside.  When he spanks me, my offense is acknowledged and when the spanking is over he forgives and forgets so I am able do the same.  What worries me is that I lack the remorse that would prevent me from repeating the behavior so I will very likely end up stealing again.

Catching Up

This summer has been busier than usual with so many life changes taking place all at once.  I won't bore you all with the details about the daily distractions that have resulted in my neglecting my blog for many months but I will say that keeping up with a newly started blog did not make the priority list.  I did not think anyone would miss reading my thoughts while I attended to more important things.  Now I am back to share my most recent thoughts.


My last spankings were related and unfortunately a case of the message not sinking in deep enough during the first spanking.  My husband even said during the scolding that accompanied the first spanking that the next time this behavior happened he would use the paddle and at that time my sincere thought was that there would not be a next time.  I am usually better at changing my ways without a need for further reinforcement.


The reason I needed discipline was my unfortunate inability to resist temptation when it came to reading instant messages that were not sent to me but were between my husband and someone else.  He had logged into Yahoo using my laptop computer and he forgot to log out.  He has done this many times in the past and on several occasions I had the fleeting thought that I could read his instant messages and even his e-mail messages but because I trust him I had not violated his trust by doing so on those occasions.  It turns out my husband is more trustworthy than me when it comes to respecting privacy because, instead of logging him out of his account like I usually do under the circumstances, I ended up violating his right to privacy by reading his messages.  There was nothing there that was truly private since he had already shared with me the nature of his conversations and who they were with so all my snooping did was to affirm that he was being honest with me and that only made my dishonesty towards him feel even worse.


Soon after I violated my husband's privacy I ended up confessing to ease my guilty conscience.  I knew that I would be spanked and I was spanked to his satisfaction so all was well afterwards.  The comment about using the paddle the "next time" seemed unnecessary because I was sure he would be less trusting of me and therefore more cautious about logging out of his account so the temptation would not be there again.  I was also certain that should he be careless about protecting his own privacy I would not have the desire to violate it again.  I was wrong in more ways than one.


Just a short week later, after the effects of the first spanking wore off, my husband neglected to log out of Yahoo again and the thought again crossed my mind that it allowed me the potential to read his private instant messages.  I had the follow up thought that it was not a good idea and yet there I was reading his messages again just because the opportunity was there in front of me.  I consider myself an honest person and I consider reading someone's private messages to be dishonest so how I convinced myself to do it a second time is a mystery to me.  I think that the "what he does not know won't hurt me" thought crossed my mind and I must have bought into it long enough to think I would get away with it.  The thought got me through the act of being dishonest a second time but then the guilty feelings hit and I knew I had made a mistake.


Knowing I would get the paddle this time actually allowed me to convince myself for a time that I should not tell my husband what I had done and only confess if he discovered it on his own.  We were so busy with other things that I avoided him as much as possible but I apparently looked guilty enough for my sister to ask what was wrong while she was helping out with a yard sale.  When we had some time alone I told her what I had done and I shared with her the consequences of my actions if my husband were to know what I had done.  My sister is spanked by her husband (they have a master/slave relationship that I don't fully understand but we have enough in common that we can talk to each other about being spanked) and she knows how much I hate the paddle so she sympathized with me in my predicament.  She also knew that the only choice I had to make was when I was going to tell my husband because not telling him was only going to make it worse, both mentally leading up to the punishment and physically when he learned that I had been hiding it from him.  I agreed with her advice that it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible because it was going to come up eventually.  She would not tell on me but she knew that I could not cover the shame for long and that confessing would help me clear my guilty conscience.

I ended up telling my husband that evening.  I had secretly hoped that his being exhausted from doing a yard sale all day would soften my punishment but a paddle is hard no matter how tired he may be when using it on my bare bottom.  It is hard enough to find words to admit to a wrongdoing the first time but when it is a repeat of a behavior I have already been disciplined for it is even harder to admit that I was overcome by temptation a second time.  As a Christian it does not surprise my husband that I would give into temptation but I am sure that he is also disappointed when I fail to learn to avoid repeating a past mistake.  I am glad to report that I have not made this same mistake again and that this took place several months ago.

My husband still trusts me and I still consider myself a trustworthy person but I fear I am capable of making the same mistake again if I am not careful.  I sometimes think that I can get away with doing something I know better than doing or that it will be worth the punishment for doing it but then I remember what a painful spanking feels like and I am not so easily convinced.  I want to do what is right just for the sake of it and yet I don't always make the right choice when faced with overwhelming temptations.  For me, knowing I will be spanked for wrong choices helps tip the scale in favor of my being the type of person I want to be rather than acting on impulse and doing whatever I want.  Being spanked also helps me release the guilt of making mistakes so I can start fresh and not allow the shame of guilt to cripple me or hold me captive.

I can't imagine how couples who don't use spanking would handle such a situation.  The confession took a great weight off my conscience but without the spanking I might still have ended up thinking it was worth it in the end and that thought is a much bigger problem for me.  I know that without physical consequences I am less likely to challenge those thoughts that lead me to believe that I can get away with doing something wrong.  I have done things impulsively in the past that have resulted in patterns of behavior that took years to correct so putting a stop to thinking I can get away with something has been most helpful for me.  Knowing that the punishment will catch up with me helps me think about the negative consequences of wrong choices rather than going with the initial impulse that leads me astray.