Why Me?

Consequences help me change things that I want to change for my own self-improvement. 






I would not put on my seatbelt if there were not a threat of getting spanked for forgetting.  I would take my chances of getting a ticket or even getting killed because those inconsistent consequences lack the consistency that being spanked for not wearing my seatbelt has for me.  I would drive while talking on the phone or texting if it was not something I would be spanked for because the chances of it being a problem would seem minor in comparison.  I would speed because everyone else does it and the cops can't stop everyone so I would get away with it like everyone else.  Because I have been spanked, I know what a spanked bottom feels like and I would rather drive with my seatbelt on, my phone in my purse, and within the speed limit than to drive with a sore bottom, LOL.  Other drivers are also safer as a result of my safe driving because I don't want to be disciplined for not obeying the rules.



I am currently working on something with regard to my own behavior.  We have a friend that is what you might call a "slow thinker" and for someone like me who often has "racing thoughts" it can seem like a very long time waiting for him to think.  In addition, I tend to be somewhat impatient.  What happens is that I will completely dominate a conversation with him because he does not get his words out fast enough for me and after a pause I will start talking again.  My HOH has already told me that I do this, mainly when I am nervous and seem to have a need to feel in control of the conversation.  It is not something I have paid attention to about my own communication style but I am paying attention to it now.  As a teacher, I know the "10 second rule" so I usually try to allow people a full 10 seconds to gather their thoughts but outside of a learning environment I am apparently not as good at it. 

At this time I have not been spanked for doing this because we are in the discussion stage where he has told me about this problem and I have told him that I will work on it.  I know that if I am not mindful of this issue there is a good chance it will take a more meaningful reminder, which is a spanking for me.  When I was told about my behavior I accepted the reprimand and agreed that I needed to do better or I would accept a spanking. 



I am not spanked for something without knowing that it will be a consequence first so the things I get spanked for are things I have agreed to change and for some reason fail to do so with willpower alone.  I don't want to dominate a conversation and not allow another person to talk because I am too impatient to wait for him to form his words before he can speak them.  That is a rude trait I have developed and I want to change it.  I would not have been aware of it unless my HOH pointed it out to me because what I am doing is filling what I consider unbearably long silences in the conversation.

I could choose to continue doing this and being viewed as rude but I want to do better in this area instead.  My husband is going to try to give me a signal when I am doing it so I can be more aware of it and if that does not help enough he will spank me for it.  I would rather avoid the spanking but honestly if I am to be spanked for it I recognize that it gives me added incentive to remember that the long pauses are going to be less painful than the spanking so I will wait and allow this man to speak.  I will feel better about my manners and he will feel better that he has a chance to contribute to the conversation.  My HOH will be pleased that I have changed this annoying behavior and when I tell him that he does something that annoys me he will be more willing to change because he sees that I am making the effort to change for the benefit of our relationship.


If, however, I were to respond in a way that told my HOH that his observation is his personal opinion and that I have the right to say what I want when I want to say it without caring how it affects him or this friend of his, my refusal to work on the issue would cause him to not want to have me around him when he is with friends because he would not want them thinking my rudeness is a reflection of him.  If I am doing the same thing with him and dominating conversations with him, he would not want to get into discussions with me at all and instead would become silent when I wanted to talk with him.  If I were to ask him to do something for me, it is more likely he would refuse because he would not feel I was being considerate of him and he therefore has no reason to consider changing something I have asked him to change.  I have seen this passive aggressive behavior in so many failed marriages that I don't want it to happen in mine.


I see this question come up repeatedly: Why am I spanked while he is not spanked?  The simple answer for me is because I submit to his authority.  I have agreed that he is the disciplinarian and I will submit to the authority I have given him as a result of my trust in his fairness.  I am okay with answering to a higher authority because I do it all the time in life and life is not always fair.  I trust him to be fair with me while also understanding that he will be as fair as humanly possible and therefore he has the potential to make mistakes too.  I am spanked for things I already know I am responsible for or for things I have been warned will earn me a spanking.  I know that he spanks me out of love and concern for my wellbeing, not for sadistic reasons that involve a personal enjoyment in my suffering.  The reason I am spanked is because my behavior is more hurtful than the spanking itself.

In cases of "misbehavior" I recognize that I personally need consequences to motivate me.  I am far better at making excuses to myself for why I did not do what needed to be done or why I did what I did but ultimately I end up disappointed in myself when I don't meet my own expectations.  He would never hold me to a higher standard than I expect from myself so it comes as no surprise that his disappointment mirrors my own.  What he does is to provide punishment as a motivator in a much healthier way than I would choose to punish myself.  When the spanking is over I get to start with a clean slate, something I would not allow myself because I would continue to hold past errors against
myself.   I know the spanking is going to hurt but I feel so much better afterwards because of this cleansing effect.

The way spanking helps me maintain a connection is through a submissive dependence on him that I sometimes resist with my more dominant independent nature.  Rather than telling him "so what, get over it" with my words or actions, I communicate to him that our relationship is important enough to work on, even when it is hard.  An attitude of "I'm sorry, please forgive me" does more to repair a relationship than an attitude of "I don't care what you think or feel because I am only concerned with what I think and feel."  


I don't always know when my behavior is hurtful because it is never my intent to hurt others so I need to hear how my behavior comes across to others so I can understand it from their viewpoint.  For example, my being late may be an issue of time management to me but to the person waiting for me it may seem more like an issue of disrespect.  Knowing that it is important to the other person that I am on time helps me make an extra effort to manage my time better so I am on time.  If I fail to manage my time properly and it comes across as disrespect, then I accept that I will be spanked for being late, no matter how easily I can justify my being late as no big deal, because it is a big deal to the other person.   Being spanked for being late helps set the message that being on time is important, no matter what the reason, and I will be more punctual in the future or suffer the consequences without argument, LOL.


So what if it is his problem and not mine?  When I am making an effort to make the relationship work, he can't help but do the same.  He could spank me for behavior he is also guilty of but then the lecture during the spanking would relate to him as well and he would have to take ownership for his own behavior as a way of setting an example.  For example, there are cases where a parent disciplines a child for something such as swearing while realizing that their own language may be to blame so they clean up their own choice of words as a means of setting a better example.  I am not a child but I still benefit from positive examples to follow.  In fact, it is his responsibility as an authority figure to make sure he is following the same "rules" I am to be held accountable for in the relationship and that keeps him accountable to me, even though he is not the one going across my knee for a spanking.



Another important reason I am spanked by him and not the other way around is because he is a spanker and I am not.  I cried when I had to spank my daughter for lying but it had to be done because if I had not spanked her for lying, as I told her I would, then I would be a liar myself.  I would prefer to leave the spanking to him because I am not suited to acting as a disciplinarian.  My daughter knows I have been spanked, even though she is not aware at the time I am being spanked for something.  I have just as much opportunity to avoid being spanked as she does by being the kind of person that I want to be.  


In my home there is a Christian context to obedience but it is not necessary in all relationships where domestic discipline is practiced.  I submit to male authority (as the HOH) because it feels natural and right to us both, but we also believe it is what God commands when describing how men and women should relate to each other.


Quite honestly, although I am the submissive one, I am more in charge of whether or not I will be spanked than he is because I am responsible for my behavior.  He can set limits and enforce consequences but it is up to me whether or not I will need to be spanked as a means of discipline.  For me a spanking is never without warning and often I get a second chance at avoiding a spanking if what I am doing is likely to result in my getting spanked.  On the occasions when I am spanked, it is just a small part of our overall relationship dynamics.


So, the answer to the "why me?" question is basically "because that is how it is!" and it works just fine that way.  ;)