Busted Again!

I am in for another spanking today after having been spanked Monday for neglecting a load of laundry in the washing machine over the weekend.  I did not realize that I was so sidetracked this week.


I woke up early this morning to take my husband to work since I need the car today and our second vehicle needs repairs before it can be driven safely. Before we left at 4:30 this morning he had posted to his blog so I got an update as a follower.  His words caused me to think I may have neglected to do something I was supposed to do so I hurried and made a bill payment that I was supposed to have made yesterday but put off doing right away. 

Then when I looked around the kitchen it became clear that I was probably in trouble for the state it was in.  I noticed that the pizza pan we used Friday night was still waiting to be washed by hand and put away.  The grill I used on Saturday was still on the stovetop needing to be washed and put away.  There were dishes in the sink since I had washed a load of dishes but I had not put them away yet.  We ate out last night since I had a doctor's appointment and my husband was starving by the time he picked me up afterwards so the dishes in the sink were from the night before when I had heated up leftovers before going to a Christmas party with a group from church.  If I leave dishes overnight they are usually done the next morning but I neglected to take care of them yesterday.  As much as I hate to admit it, the laundry that had stayed in the dryer over the weekend is still in the dryer waiting to be folded and put away.  It is my responsibility to keep up with the household chores and I quite obviously failed so I correctly assumed that I was going to be held accountable. 


It was not until I had dropped my husband off for work and returned home safely that I dared to ask him in a text message if I was going to be spanked because we both know that I don't handle the apprehension well.  I texted "Looking around at what I have failed to do I am pretty certain I have a spanking coming.  You might as well tell me if I am going to be spanked because I am already stressed out with the apprehension anyway."  He texted back "You do have a good spanking coming and that's what you'll be getting!"  Unfortunately the delay in getting it over with keeps me too focused on the negative feelings of remorse and regret as I punish myself mentally.  If I were over his knee now I would probably be brought to tears quickly and it would be over with so I could focus on other things.  Instead I will spend the day beating myself up for failing to live up to a standard I expect from myself as a wife and mother.


I have shared with my husband that I want and need his leadership because I fail to do what I need to do when it seems unimportant.  When he notices the things that are not done as they should be it helps me to see those tasks as important.  I don't know how I managed to overlook the things I should have done.

My husband puts in full days at work while I stay at home being lazy.  I have plenty of time to keep up with a few simple chores to avoid negative consequences and yet I procrastinate and do not manage my time well.  I am ashamed at my lack of responsibility because I want to be a better wife and mother.  I appreciate my husband for holding me accountable because I clearly lack the self-discipline to do it on my own.  At the same time, if he asks me if I want a spanking I will say no and try to negotiate my way out of it (often by making excuses and trying to get him to share the blame)!  I want to be spanked when I deserve it but I would prefer to do what I need to do so I won't earn a spanking.


Being spanked is painful and at the same time it is freeing.  The guilt I feel from the realization that I have not done what should have been done causes mental anguish that needs an outlet for release so it does not linger and cause anxiety, depression or other more longterm consequences.  Once I have been spanked for something I will have a clean slate so I can begin again without my husband holding grudges against me or using passive aggressive means to point out my shortcomings. Repeat offenses do result in more severe consequences such as a longer hand spanking or the use of an implement to make it more memorable but still, once the spanking is over all is forgiven and I know I am loved.  Perhaps it is childish to feel loved and cared for in this way as an adult but when my "inner child" needs are neglected it hurts me as an adult.


I am naturally prone to surrounding myself with chaos.  Some people have a hard time with change while I have a hard time with the boredom of repetition.  I need things to be predictable and stable in order to balance the chaos I create in my life and fortunately my husband provides a shelter in the storm.  He loves me for who I am but he also sees how quickly I fall apart when things become too unmanageable and overwhelming.  I am so thankful that he takes control when I allow things to get out of control.  I am also grateful that he knows how to handle a redheaded Leo like myself, LOL.  Not all men would be up to the challenge!