Crossing the Line

I was in court yesterday and heard testimony from a father about a spanking he gave his daughter.  It surprised me that he was reading from a prepared statement that sounded so much like the descriptions of spankings I have heard in other contexts. 


The teenager had been communicating with her boyfriend through e-mail using sexually explicit language that the parents rightly felt was inappropriate.  When they asked to see the messages the girl said they were gone from her computer and she did not know what happened to them.  After more questioning she admitted that she had deleted the messages so her parents would not see them because she knew it was wrong for her to be using the language she had in the messages.  Not only had she engaged in unacceptable behavior but she lied about her cover-up attempts.  The father stated in his testimony that it had been two years since the girl had received her last spanking.  He told her that she would be spanked for what she had done and then he told her to go downstairs and prepare herself.


The girl apparently knew the drill because she pulled down her pants and bent over the bed for the spanking.  The father removed his belt and he administered the spanking on her bare bottom.  The girl's mother was a witness to be sure she was not harmed excessively and the father did not lose his temper or his self-control.  He stated that there were no marks at the conclusion of the spanking but he did not specify how long it lasted or to what severity he had struck her backside with the belt.  It was not an unusual punishment and it was over and done with following a brief scolding and a final reprimand.  Afterwards the family watched a movie together and went on with their usual evening routine.  I did not find any reason to think the father was doing anything other than disciplining his daughter.


The judge had stopped the man when he got to the part about taking off his belt and warned him that he was giving public testimony so anything he said could and would be used against, him but the man continued to describe what he had done to discipline his daughter.  After the viral video of the Texas judge using a belt on his non-compliant daughter so that the discipline involved abusive language towards her and strokes of the belt on her thighs instead of her bottom, it was clear that the description the man was about to give could have been considered abusive to those in the courtroom listening and to the female judge determining whether or not he had crossed the line.  The father continued because what he did was not abusive towards his daughter, rather it was a form of discipline that he had used in the past without crossing the line of discipline into the realm of abuse.


My husband is able to administer a scolding and spanking in a calm collected manner and he is able to inflict enough pain to get a message across without going too far.  I respect him for this and I trust him to be fair with me when discipline is administered.  A spanking hurts but that is why it is effective and it is far less hurtful than other more longterm consequences society would impose as a means of justice.  When it is done right, it is not abusive and it brings family members closer together in a loving relationship built on trust and respect.


There are situations when spanking crosses the line and becomes abuse.  What I saw in the seven minute video of the judge and his daughter was nothing compared to what I experienced at the hands of my own father, who had a violent temper and easily lost control of his anger, and yet it was not what I would consider an act of discipline due to the verbal assault that went along with the physical assault.  I don't know if there was any lasting physical damage to the teenager but I am guessing the judge's words did not do anything to bring them closer together as a family.  It may not have met the legal definition of abuse but it was certainly questionable.  The spanking I heard the father describe in the courtroom yesterday did not seem to concern the judge but that may have been partly because the father had stated at the end of his testimony that his daughter may have been too old to spank so it gave the impression that he would not be using the belt on her again.  Sometimes when hand spanking fails to be effective parents turn to the use of a belt or paddle in order to get through to a defiant teenager and the use of an implement can cause more damage than necessary, particularly if the parent is striking in anger and not love. 


The goal with discipline is not to damage a person but to correct them in a way that will be memorable.  I might think that picking up my husband late after work when I need the car for the day is no big deal but when he gets off work, worn out from his exhausing work day, he wants to be able to leave right away and not stand around waiting for me to get there.  There is no reason I can't budget my time to pick him up on time so if I am late he would very likely want to spank me right there and let me think about it on the seated ride home.  I accept that he is not asking too much by wanting me to be on time so I would accept a spanking in order to help me be on time the next time.  Fortunately for me, a warning is usually all it takes for me to change my bad habits!  When he asks me to pick him up at a particular time I am sure to get there a bit early just to make sure I am not late so the first time I was late and was told what would happen if it happened again will hopefully be the last time I am ever late to pick him up.  I prefer my husband spend his time after work admiring my bottom rather than spending time with me over his knee because I have disappointed him.


My husband never looks for reasons to spank.  He knows that he can have my naked bottom across his lap anytime he wants to admire it or even pat it playfully.  He can walk in the kitchen as I am cooking supper and pull down my pants just to caress my bare bottom if he is in the mood.  My body is his to enjoy and I would not deprive him from expressing his love for me in physical ways.  When I am spanked it is an entirely different mood that is created and one I don't want to provoke.  I don't enjoy being spanked but I do appreciate how it helps me stay more focused and gives him a means of feeling in control as the head of our household (we both know that women are clever enough to establish control in ways that allow men to think they have all the control, LOL).  It brings us closer together while unresolved conflict just pushes us apart.


I am glad to know that people are able to use spanking the way we do in order to strengthen their relationships through respect and trust.  There are people who will abuse their authority and mistreat those they claim to care enough about to discipline but that does not make the act of spanking a form of abuse.  It is so much more harmful to pull away from people we love in order to avoid conflict.  I personally don't believe that teenagers become "too old" to be spanked since I am a grown woman who still benefits from being spanked.  It used to be that a girl grew up under her father's authority and then accepted her husband's authority in much the same way.  If a father or husband abuses his authority and harms her she is not likely to be willing to submit to his authority but if he uses his authority as a means of expressing his love and concern for her wellbeing then her submission can be a blessing to them both.