Busted Again!

I am in for another spanking today after having been spanked Monday for neglecting a load of laundry in the washing machine over the weekend.  I did not realize that I was so sidetracked this week.


I woke up early this morning to take my husband to work since I need the car today and our second vehicle needs repairs before it can be driven safely. Before we left at 4:30 this morning he had posted to his blog so I got an update as a follower.  His words caused me to think I may have neglected to do something I was supposed to do so I hurried and made a bill payment that I was supposed to have made yesterday but put off doing right away. 

Then when I looked around the kitchen it became clear that I was probably in trouble for the state it was in.  I noticed that the pizza pan we used Friday night was still waiting to be washed by hand and put away.  The grill I used on Saturday was still on the stovetop needing to be washed and put away.  There were dishes in the sink since I had washed a load of dishes but I had not put them away yet.  We ate out last night since I had a doctor's appointment and my husband was starving by the time he picked me up afterwards so the dishes in the sink were from the night before when I had heated up leftovers before going to a Christmas party with a group from church.  If I leave dishes overnight they are usually done the next morning but I neglected to take care of them yesterday.  As much as I hate to admit it, the laundry that had stayed in the dryer over the weekend is still in the dryer waiting to be folded and put away.  It is my responsibility to keep up with the household chores and I quite obviously failed so I correctly assumed that I was going to be held accountable. 


It was not until I had dropped my husband off for work and returned home safely that I dared to ask him in a text message if I was going to be spanked because we both know that I don't handle the apprehension well.  I texted "Looking around at what I have failed to do I am pretty certain I have a spanking coming.  You might as well tell me if I am going to be spanked because I am already stressed out with the apprehension anyway."  He texted back "You do have a good spanking coming and that's what you'll be getting!"  Unfortunately the delay in getting it over with keeps me too focused on the negative feelings of remorse and regret as I punish myself mentally.  If I were over his knee now I would probably be brought to tears quickly and it would be over with so I could focus on other things.  Instead I will spend the day beating myself up for failing to live up to a standard I expect from myself as a wife and mother.


I have shared with my husband that I want and need his leadership because I fail to do what I need to do when it seems unimportant.  When he notices the things that are not done as they should be it helps me to see those tasks as important.  I don't know how I managed to overlook the things I should have done.

My husband puts in full days at work while I stay at home being lazy.  I have plenty of time to keep up with a few simple chores to avoid negative consequences and yet I procrastinate and do not manage my time well.  I am ashamed at my lack of responsibility because I want to be a better wife and mother.  I appreciate my husband for holding me accountable because I clearly lack the self-discipline to do it on my own.  At the same time, if he asks me if I want a spanking I will say no and try to negotiate my way out of it (often by making excuses and trying to get him to share the blame)!  I want to be spanked when I deserve it but I would prefer to do what I need to do so I won't earn a spanking.


Being spanked is painful and at the same time it is freeing.  The guilt I feel from the realization that I have not done what should have been done causes mental anguish that needs an outlet for release so it does not linger and cause anxiety, depression or other more longterm consequences.  Once I have been spanked for something I will have a clean slate so I can begin again without my husband holding grudges against me or using passive aggressive means to point out my shortcomings. Repeat offenses do result in more severe consequences such as a longer hand spanking or the use of an implement to make it more memorable but still, once the spanking is over all is forgiven and I know I am loved.  Perhaps it is childish to feel loved and cared for in this way as an adult but when my "inner child" needs are neglected it hurts me as an adult.


I am naturally prone to surrounding myself with chaos.  Some people have a hard time with change while I have a hard time with the boredom of repetition.  I need things to be predictable and stable in order to balance the chaos I create in my life and fortunately my husband provides a shelter in the storm.  He loves me for who I am but he also sees how quickly I fall apart when things become too unmanageable and overwhelming.  I am so thankful that he takes control when I allow things to get out of control.  I am also grateful that he knows how to handle a redheaded Leo like myself, LOL.  Not all men would be up to the challenge!

Laundry Lapsed!

I sometimes get distracted and lack the necessary follow-through on basic household chores.  My husband has given me reminders when I have walked away from a task and failed to return to it for several days and yet sometimes I continue to get side tracked and end up spanked.

Laundry is one of those things that has a start and a finish but it does not require my undivided attention since I am not going to stand around and watch a load wash (even though the washer would allow me to do that since it has a glass door on the front) and I am not going to wait for the dryer to complete its cycle.  The trick is in the timing.  I put in a load of wash, return to put it in the dryer, and return once more to remove the clothes to be folded and put away.  Often the clothes end up on the bed briefly because I walk away from them and return a short time later to put them away because I need to put the load from the washer into the dryer and then start a new load in the washing machine.  Laundry can take all day to complete but I am doing other things at the same time while the machines do the work.  My difficulty is in remembering that I am doing laundry when I am also busy doing other things.

There have been occasions when I have walked away from a load of clothes on the bed and not made it back right away to finish the job of folding them and putting them away.  Usually I will return at a later time, see the laundry pile, and take care of it before the wrinkles set in too badly.  Sometimes I don't get to the load in the dryer right away and I have to set it on a tumble press cycle to work out the wrinkles that have set while the clothes were sitting in the dryer.  On occasion it has taken a day or more to return to the load because, unlike a pile on the bed, it is out of sight and out of mind.  I typically realize that there is a missing load when someone runs out of socks or underwear and they can easily be retrieved from the dryer because wrinkles are not an issue with undergarments such as socks and underwear.

The real problem is forgetting about a load of wash for a few days because it slipped my mind and I did not notice the clothes stuck to the sides after a spin cycle, even though a keen observer can see them through the glass door on the front of the washer.  When I forget a load of wash for a few days, the result is foul smelling laundry that needs a repeat wash (which unfortunately uses more soap, water, and electricity than necessary).  Somehow my husband has an eye for laundry that I do not have.

Not long ago I left a load of wash in the washer long enough to cause a stink and I was warned that if it continued to happen I would be spanked.  I agreed because I am aware that it is a problem for me and something I need to correct.  Unfortunately I did not figure out a solution to the problem and it happened again.

I am not sure what day last week I decided to do laundry but what I am sure about is that a load was still in the washer today when my husband came home from work and I had not done laundry today.  When he asks questions that do not seem to require a specific answer I can get often away with being vague and sometimes that works.  For example, he may ask, "how long has that load of laundry been in the washer?" and I may answer, "not long" and he will accept that for an answer.  Not today!  My error may have been that I had not even realized that there was anything in the washer because it had been last week since I did laundry.  Somehow, "huh, what laundry?" is not an acceptable answer to the question when I have already been given a fair number of warnings.

So, I had a spanking coming but because my husband did not put me over his knee right then and there, I thought I was going to get away with another warning.  I added soap and ran the washer, then walked away from it and continued working on other things.  I checked my e-mail and to my surprise my husband had posted on his blog that his wife would be spanked soon!  I am a follower on his blog so I get updates everytime he posts and there have been times I wondered if I was due for a spanking based on something he posted.  This left little room for doubt that he intended to spank me even though he had not done so right away.  I don't do well with the anticipation of a spanking and he knows it.  Still, he sometimes tells me I am going to be spanked without actually spanking me then and there.

I know some women actually enjoy the emotional tension that accompanies the anticipation of a spanking but not me.  If I had access to pain killers that I could take prior to a spanking it might be good to know it was coming but since I don't have a prescription for narcotics it does me no good to wait for the moment to come when I will be feeling painful sensations across my bare bottom.  When I am spanked I really prefer to have it happen immediately because then it is over with before I have a chance to try thinking my way out of it.

The "lecture" part of a spanking has to happen before my mind can attempt to process the situation from an innocent standpoint rather than a guilty one, and the physical part needs to follow for it to have the intended impact.  The more time there is between a behavior and consequence, the more time I have to justify the behavior instead of the consequence.

My husband is fair so when he decides to spank me it is because I need a spanking.  I accept the spanking because I trust him to be fair.  I don't question his authority over me unless he gives me the opportunity to question him.  When my husband says he is going to spank me but then there is a lapse of time between the words and his action, I take that to mean that there is a chance he will change his mind or that I can change his mind for him.  He may be unaware that this is how my mind works under the circumstances but I have often had people tell me they will do something and they don't follow through, leaving me to doubt that they mean what they say.  My husband has on occasion made references to wanting to spank me for something that he didn't spank me for so perhaps that has led me to believe that there is an opportunity for negotiation when it comes to his decision to spank me.  Whatever the reason, the fact is that the more time I have between being told I will be spanked and the actual spanking, the more likely I will recover from the instant feeling of remorse and end up with a more defiant attitude that is harder to break through.

Another thing that I have difficulty with is combining discipline with sex.  For me, sexual contact with my husband is about me wanting to please him and wanting him to be pleased with me.  I do not find spankings erotic or pleasurable but I do find sex to be pleasurable.  It is difficult for me to transition from the acceptance that I have done wrong and deserve to be spanked as a result of my behavior to then having sexual desires.  I am available to my husband sexually whenever he has a sexual desire for me and yet spankings and sex don't mix as well for me as they do for him.  He may be aroused when spanking me because he thinks I have a beautiful bottom and his spanking me is a loving gesture but my mind has a hard time mixing pain and pleasure the way some people do.

When I am truly ashamed for disappointing my husband it is hard to feel desirable at the same time, even if he finds me desirable.  I know he likes the appearance of my bottom when it has been spanked and I want to please him sexually but a spanking is not in the same category as erotic foreplay in my mind.  I am not sure how to get my mind to be more cooperative in this area.  I am most definitely sexually submissive and prefer a sexually dominant partner so I want my husband to take the lead in the bedroom.  I don't mind having sex immediately following a spanking but I personally would prefer the spanking and sex to be separate as much as possible with more sex than spankings.

My husband has made comments that I should be spanked more than I am and I know that he lets me off at times when a spanking is deserved.  It is possible I would do a better job keeping up with this blog if I were spanked more frequently because it gives me something to write about, LOL.  He asked me earlier if I was testing his resolve and I don't think that is the case.  I want to be an obedient wife and yet I know that my strong personality has the potential to create powers struggles if I were to choose to be rebellious against my husband's authority in our relationship.  Fortunately my husband would spank me rather than allow that to happen to our relationship.

It is not the spankings I like, rather I like the fact that he will put me over his knee and spank me when it is for my own good.  It is not only my thinking that I can say or do something to convince my husband that I have learned my lesson without his enforcing the message in my brain with a physical reminder, it is the thinking that I can manipulate time in order to change the behavior that got me into trouble.  By the time I am over his knee with my pants down, my mind has already corrected the problem by going back in time and avoiding the mistake that led to the punishment.  In addition, my brain comes up with every justification imaginable so that instead of getting caught and being accountable right away, I manage to deflect the blame onto an entirely different set of circumstances.  In the case of the laundry, I actually came up with the idea that my husband had put the clothes in the washer and left them there instead of me so I was being unjustly punished for his amusement!  Of course that was nowhere near the truth but it is an example of how desperately I will seek to remove myself from the consequences of my own behavior if given enough time to think my way out of an upcoming spanking. 

Crossing the Line

I was in court yesterday and heard testimony from a father about a spanking he gave his daughter.  It surprised me that he was reading from a prepared statement that sounded so much like the descriptions of spankings I have heard in other contexts. 


The teenager had been communicating with her boyfriend through e-mail using sexually explicit language that the parents rightly felt was inappropriate.  When they asked to see the messages the girl said they were gone from her computer and she did not know what happened to them.  After more questioning she admitted that she had deleted the messages so her parents would not see them because she knew it was wrong for her to be using the language she had in the messages.  Not only had she engaged in unacceptable behavior but she lied about her cover-up attempts.  The father stated in his testimony that it had been two years since the girl had received her last spanking.  He told her that she would be spanked for what she had done and then he told her to go downstairs and prepare herself.


The girl apparently knew the drill because she pulled down her pants and bent over the bed for the spanking.  The father removed his belt and he administered the spanking on her bare bottom.  The girl's mother was a witness to be sure she was not harmed excessively and the father did not lose his temper or his self-control.  He stated that there were no marks at the conclusion of the spanking but he did not specify how long it lasted or to what severity he had struck her backside with the belt.  It was not an unusual punishment and it was over and done with following a brief scolding and a final reprimand.  Afterwards the family watched a movie together and went on with their usual evening routine.  I did not find any reason to think the father was doing anything other than disciplining his daughter.


The judge had stopped the man when he got to the part about taking off his belt and warned him that he was giving public testimony so anything he said could and would be used against, him but the man continued to describe what he had done to discipline his daughter.  After the viral video of the Texas judge using a belt on his non-compliant daughter so that the discipline involved abusive language towards her and strokes of the belt on her thighs instead of her bottom, it was clear that the description the man was about to give could have been considered abusive to those in the courtroom listening and to the female judge determining whether or not he had crossed the line.  The father continued because what he did was not abusive towards his daughter, rather it was a form of discipline that he had used in the past without crossing the line of discipline into the realm of abuse.


My husband is able to administer a scolding and spanking in a calm collected manner and he is able to inflict enough pain to get a message across without going too far.  I respect him for this and I trust him to be fair with me when discipline is administered.  A spanking hurts but that is why it is effective and it is far less hurtful than other more longterm consequences society would impose as a means of justice.  When it is done right, it is not abusive and it brings family members closer together in a loving relationship built on trust and respect.


There are situations when spanking crosses the line and becomes abuse.  What I saw in the seven minute video of the judge and his daughter was nothing compared to what I experienced at the hands of my own father, who had a violent temper and easily lost control of his anger, and yet it was not what I would consider an act of discipline due to the verbal assault that went along with the physical assault.  I don't know if there was any lasting physical damage to the teenager but I am guessing the judge's words did not do anything to bring them closer together as a family.  It may not have met the legal definition of abuse but it was certainly questionable.  The spanking I heard the father describe in the courtroom yesterday did not seem to concern the judge but that may have been partly because the father had stated at the end of his testimony that his daughter may have been too old to spank so it gave the impression that he would not be using the belt on her again.  Sometimes when hand spanking fails to be effective parents turn to the use of a belt or paddle in order to get through to a defiant teenager and the use of an implement can cause more damage than necessary, particularly if the parent is striking in anger and not love. 


The goal with discipline is not to damage a person but to correct them in a way that will be memorable.  I might think that picking up my husband late after work when I need the car for the day is no big deal but when he gets off work, worn out from his exhausing work day, he wants to be able to leave right away and not stand around waiting for me to get there.  There is no reason I can't budget my time to pick him up on time so if I am late he would very likely want to spank me right there and let me think about it on the seated ride home.  I accept that he is not asking too much by wanting me to be on time so I would accept a spanking in order to help me be on time the next time.  Fortunately for me, a warning is usually all it takes for me to change my bad habits!  When he asks me to pick him up at a particular time I am sure to get there a bit early just to make sure I am not late so the first time I was late and was told what would happen if it happened again will hopefully be the last time I am ever late to pick him up.  I prefer my husband spend his time after work admiring my bottom rather than spending time with me over his knee because I have disappointed him.


My husband never looks for reasons to spank.  He knows that he can have my naked bottom across his lap anytime he wants to admire it or even pat it playfully.  He can walk in the kitchen as I am cooking supper and pull down my pants just to caress my bare bottom if he is in the mood.  My body is his to enjoy and I would not deprive him from expressing his love for me in physical ways.  When I am spanked it is an entirely different mood that is created and one I don't want to provoke.  I don't enjoy being spanked but I do appreciate how it helps me stay more focused and gives him a means of feeling in control as the head of our household (we both know that women are clever enough to establish control in ways that allow men to think they have all the control, LOL).  It brings us closer together while unresolved conflict just pushes us apart.


I am glad to know that people are able to use spanking the way we do in order to strengthen their relationships through respect and trust.  There are people who will abuse their authority and mistreat those they claim to care enough about to discipline but that does not make the act of spanking a form of abuse.  It is so much more harmful to pull away from people we love in order to avoid conflict.  I personally don't believe that teenagers become "too old" to be spanked since I am a grown woman who still benefits from being spanked.  It used to be that a girl grew up under her father's authority and then accepted her husband's authority in much the same way.  If a father or husband abuses his authority and harms her she is not likely to be willing to submit to his authority but if he uses his authority as a means of expressing his love and concern for her wellbeing then her submission can be a blessing to them both.

Regret to Remorse

It is not hard for me to regret a mistake but a reaching a deeper sense of remorse can more difficult.


I repeated a mistake I have made in the past because it is easy for me to justify my actions and to avoid consequences.  I frequently shop at second hand stores and on occasion, when I don't have enough money, I take something without paying for it.  Everything in the store has been donated so it does not cost the store anything, also they throw away so many items that they never miss the few things I have taken.  Still, in my conscience I know that it is stealing and that stealing is wrong.  I also know that if I were caught, I would face criminal charges and my family would suffer negative consequences as a result.  Unfortunately it is so easy to get away with stealing that I don't consider just how risky my behavior is while I am doing it.  Afterwards I realize that I have taken an unnecessary risk but because it is like reverse gambling where I win rather than lose, there is an addictive aspect to shoplifting. 

I know that the only way for me to break this bad habit is to have negative consequences in place that will help me avoid doing what I know is wrong.  Spanking is usually a good motivator for me but unfortunately I have repeated this behavior, even after being spanked for it.  Typically being spanked causes me to feel a sense of regret but I don't seem to feel the remorse that would make spanking a less desirable outcome than stealing.

On Saturday I took an item from a second hand store that would have cost $3.99 plus tax if I had paid for it.  It fit easily in my pocket and I was able to pocket it without being noticed, which is not hard to do when store employees are not very attune to loss prevention.  It is something I have been searching for specifically for many months so I was glad to have found it.  If money had not been an issue, I would have paid for it instead of taking it without paying for it.  It is something I will use frequently and could not have afforded to purchase new so the temptation to take it was greater than the internal conflict created when I contemplate doing something I know is wrong.

The guilt tends to build over time for me, once the thrill of getting away with shoplifting has subsided and the rush is gone.  It was my guilty conscience that lead me to confess my guilt to my husband Saturday night.  I tried explaining my actions in a way that I thought would gain his support of my behavior, even though I knew that what I did was wrong.  I figured that if he supported my decision to take the item then I would not need to debate the issue in my mind any longer.  He was just falling asleep so I did not think there was much threat of getting spanked right then if he decided that is what was needed.  Also, there was a chance that he was sleepy enough that by morning he would forget what I had told him and I would be off the hook.

To my surprise, my husband responded by telling me to close the bedroom window.  I asked if he thought it was getting too cold to leave it open at night and he said it was so no one would hear me getting spanked.  I managed to convince him that he needed his sleep more than I needed to be spanked right then, which allowed me to put it off and to think I would get out of it if he were to forget.  The next morning I thought he had forgotten because he did not bring it up and I did not dare mention it.

Before we headed for church on Sunday morning I made a disrespectful comment and he said that I already had one coming and asked if I was trying to add more to it.  That was when I realized he had not forgotten about the spanking like I had thought.  At least he did not have time then to spank me before we went to church and there was always a chance I could still get out of the spanking.  Comments he made throughout the day made it clear that his CRS (Can't Remember Shit) was in remission and I was in trouble.

We went to the fair after church on Sunday and while wandering around in the pavilion there was a vendor selling sandstone and mink oil guaranteed to soften even a carpenter's rough hands.  My husband has hands of steel with the texture of leather so a hand spanking can be severe enough to make implements unnecessary.  I suggested he give the miracle cure a try and the woman who gave us the sales pitch thought I was suggesting it because I was concerned about holding his rough hand.   It made us laugh because we both knew that I had a spanking coming and I was hoping this hand treatment would soften the feel of his rough hand on my bottom, LOL.

We stayed at the fair longer than we planned so it was late when we got home.  Since my husband goes to work early in the mornings he has to get to bed early at night while I stay up and make his lunch and set the coffee pot for the morning.  I thought he was heading to bed when he closed the living room window behind the couch.  Instead he told me to "come here" and I knew what was coming then.  I tried to stall and put it off another day but he had already decided what was to be done so disobedience would only make the spanking worse.  I had put it off as long as possible and he had not forgotten.

I respect my husband so in all honesty I would have been more disappointed if he had not taken care of the issue than I was with the prospect of getting the spanking I deserved.  There is always apprehension when going over his knee because I know it is going to hurt but I also trust him to be fair so I submit to his authority.  I got one set of hard swats, a brief reprieve during scolding, and then another set of hard swats.  All I could think about was how much it hurt and how much I did not want to steal again.  My bottom was tender when he held me and told me he loved me.  There is no doubt I was spanked soundly, as he is a very effective spanker, but I was not bruised and the effects did not last overnight so I am not feeling any soreness today.

What concerns me now is that last night I was thinking it was not worth it but today I am thinking that it was worth it after all.  I think that my avoidance of the spanking when I was in a state of regret did not allow me to reach a state of remorse from the spanking.  The guilt that leads to confession seems to get pushed from my mind when there is a delay between the overwhelming feelings of guilt and the overwhelming discomfort of a spanking.  It seems that to be truly effective the mental and physical have to come together at the same time or I don't gain the full impact of the punishment.  Somehow in seeking to avoid the spanking, I was able to avoid feelings of accountability during the spanking since time had allowed me to distance myself from my emotions.

My husband did not spank me as severely as he could have done because he is very capable of causing bruising that lasts a week and makes sitting a painful reminder.  This could have been because the price of the item I stole was minor and it was from a second hand store, which is how I am able to minimize the behavior when I shoplift. It could have been because he was tired and wanted to take care of business as effortlessly as possible before heading to bed.  It could have been because he had other things on his mind (we were intimate immediately following the spanking).  I am grateful that I am not sore today and that he did not mark me because those things are not essential for me to learn my lesson.  However, what seems to be missing is that I did not reach a mental state of remorse that would help me avoid repeating a mistake I have already repeated on a number of occasions. 

In the past I have had a serious problem with shoplifting so there has been a definite improvement.  Where I still struggle is with my thinking that it is not a big deal when I take things from second hand stores.  When the thought to take something enters my mind I want to be able to think it is not worth it so I won't be so tempted again.  I want to remember how painful the consequences will be if I were to do it again so I won't do it again.  I am ashamed that I have this problem and I want to do whatever it takes to fix the problem so I won't put myself at risk of getting arrested and having criminal charges on my record.

I don't know if spanking as a consequence will cure me of this problem but it has helped me in other areas of my life.  I know that if I were in Eve's position in the Garden of Eden I would have sinned and eaten the apple just as she did so I have no doubt that I need to submit to a HOH who will keep me accountable.  I have always been considered "difficult" and even "rebellious" because I push limits and cross the line.  I don't expect my husband to "cure" me of this sinful nature but I want to be held accountable and I need to be punished for my own good.  This knowledge is what leads me to confess my sins and submit to authority for punishment when it is deserved.

I don't know what it would take for me to feel more remorseful for taking this item from a second hand store.  Part of my submission is to trust my HOH to determine an appropriate punishment so I can let go of the guilt and not punish myself endlessly for something I can't go back in time to correct.  I need his forgiveness when I do wrong so I can forgive myself rather than to hide my guilt and shame where it tears me apart inside.  When he spanks me, my offense is acknowledged and when the spanking is over he forgives and forgets so I am able do the same.  What worries me is that I lack the remorse that would prevent me from repeating the behavior so I will very likely end up stealing again.

Catching Up

This summer has been busier than usual with so many life changes taking place all at once.  I won't bore you all with the details about the daily distractions that have resulted in my neglecting my blog for many months but I will say that keeping up with a newly started blog did not make the priority list.  I did not think anyone would miss reading my thoughts while I attended to more important things.  Now I am back to share my most recent thoughts.


My last spankings were related and unfortunately a case of the message not sinking in deep enough during the first spanking.  My husband even said during the scolding that accompanied the first spanking that the next time this behavior happened he would use the paddle and at that time my sincere thought was that there would not be a next time.  I am usually better at changing my ways without a need for further reinforcement.


The reason I needed discipline was my unfortunate inability to resist temptation when it came to reading instant messages that were not sent to me but were between my husband and someone else.  He had logged into Yahoo using my laptop computer and he forgot to log out.  He has done this many times in the past and on several occasions I had the fleeting thought that I could read his instant messages and even his e-mail messages but because I trust him I had not violated his trust by doing so on those occasions.  It turns out my husband is more trustworthy than me when it comes to respecting privacy because, instead of logging him out of his account like I usually do under the circumstances, I ended up violating his right to privacy by reading his messages.  There was nothing there that was truly private since he had already shared with me the nature of his conversations and who they were with so all my snooping did was to affirm that he was being honest with me and that only made my dishonesty towards him feel even worse.


Soon after I violated my husband's privacy I ended up confessing to ease my guilty conscience.  I knew that I would be spanked and I was spanked to his satisfaction so all was well afterwards.  The comment about using the paddle the "next time" seemed unnecessary because I was sure he would be less trusting of me and therefore more cautious about logging out of his account so the temptation would not be there again.  I was also certain that should he be careless about protecting his own privacy I would not have the desire to violate it again.  I was wrong in more ways than one.


Just a short week later, after the effects of the first spanking wore off, my husband neglected to log out of Yahoo again and the thought again crossed my mind that it allowed me the potential to read his private instant messages.  I had the follow up thought that it was not a good idea and yet there I was reading his messages again just because the opportunity was there in front of me.  I consider myself an honest person and I consider reading someone's private messages to be dishonest so how I convinced myself to do it a second time is a mystery to me.  I think that the "what he does not know won't hurt me" thought crossed my mind and I must have bought into it long enough to think I would get away with it.  The thought got me through the act of being dishonest a second time but then the guilty feelings hit and I knew I had made a mistake.


Knowing I would get the paddle this time actually allowed me to convince myself for a time that I should not tell my husband what I had done and only confess if he discovered it on his own.  We were so busy with other things that I avoided him as much as possible but I apparently looked guilty enough for my sister to ask what was wrong while she was helping out with a yard sale.  When we had some time alone I told her what I had done and I shared with her the consequences of my actions if my husband were to know what I had done.  My sister is spanked by her husband (they have a master/slave relationship that I don't fully understand but we have enough in common that we can talk to each other about being spanked) and she knows how much I hate the paddle so she sympathized with me in my predicament.  She also knew that the only choice I had to make was when I was going to tell my husband because not telling him was only going to make it worse, both mentally leading up to the punishment and physically when he learned that I had been hiding it from him.  I agreed with her advice that it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible because it was going to come up eventually.  She would not tell on me but she knew that I could not cover the shame for long and that confessing would help me clear my guilty conscience.

I ended up telling my husband that evening.  I had secretly hoped that his being exhausted from doing a yard sale all day would soften my punishment but a paddle is hard no matter how tired he may be when using it on my bare bottom.  It is hard enough to find words to admit to a wrongdoing the first time but when it is a repeat of a behavior I have already been disciplined for it is even harder to admit that I was overcome by temptation a second time.  As a Christian it does not surprise my husband that I would give into temptation but I am sure that he is also disappointed when I fail to learn to avoid repeating a past mistake.  I am glad to report that I have not made this same mistake again and that this took place several months ago.

My husband still trusts me and I still consider myself a trustworthy person but I fear I am capable of making the same mistake again if I am not careful.  I sometimes think that I can get away with doing something I know better than doing or that it will be worth the punishment for doing it but then I remember what a painful spanking feels like and I am not so easily convinced.  I want to do what is right just for the sake of it and yet I don't always make the right choice when faced with overwhelming temptations.  For me, knowing I will be spanked for wrong choices helps tip the scale in favor of my being the type of person I want to be rather than acting on impulse and doing whatever I want.  Being spanked also helps me release the guilt of making mistakes so I can start fresh and not allow the shame of guilt to cripple me or hold me captive.

I can't imagine how couples who don't use spanking would handle such a situation.  The confession took a great weight off my conscience but without the spanking I might still have ended up thinking it was worth it in the end and that thought is a much bigger problem for me.  I know that without physical consequences I am less likely to challenge those thoughts that lead me to believe that I can get away with doing something wrong.  I have done things impulsively in the past that have resulted in patterns of behavior that took years to correct so putting a stop to thinking I can get away with something has been most helpful for me.  Knowing that the punishment will catch up with me helps me think about the negative consequences of wrong choices rather than going with the initial impulse that leads me astray.

Household Maintenance

Sometimes it takes a maintenance spanking to remind me to keep up with household chores.



I like having a clean house where everything is in its place.  However, I also have a bad habit of setting something down where it does not belong in order to take care of it later.  Then I get distracted and I move on to something else before completing the first task.  I start a load of laundry and then forget about it until the next day.  I fill the dishwasher but still have dishes that need to wait until the next load so they don't get done until the next day after I remember to unload the dishwasher.  It is not that I am so forgetful that I can't remember what I am doing, I am busy with so many different projects at once that doing tasks that allow me to walk away from them for a period of time results in my forgetting what I was doing before I moved onto something else


Sometimes it only takes a verbal reminder or a question about a task that still needs completing.  Usually I can get back to a chore and complete it without needing anything further than a warning.  On occasion I put something off and do not heed the reminders in order to complete the task in a timely manner, especially in situations where it is out of mind once it it out of sight such as with laundry.


I have an understanding HOH who knows that I work to keep up with everything but sometimes life happens and I get distracted.  He also gets distracted by unexpected life events that need to be scheduled around.  We both do our best to keep up with everything that needs to be done.  That is why it is an extra burden on him to have to remind me what I should be doing when he has enough of his own things to keep up with on his own.  He does not seem to put off quite the same way I do either since he tends to do better when it comes to sticking with one job and finishing it before moving onto something else.


When life becomes unmanageable for me that is a pretty clear indication that a spanking is needed.  It helps me adjust my priorities and focus on what needs to be done to avoid another spanking.  This is when maintenance type spankings are helpful.  They are not as severe as punishment spankings but they serve as a reminder of what I will be in for if I do not meet the expectation that will allow me to avoid being punished.  Sometimes it might be a few swats with a cutting board that my husband insists looks like a paddle, LOL.  Other times it might be a bare bottom OTK hand spanking.  He might even bend me over the back of the couch to take care of business quickly and then we go on with our routine.  Maintenance spankings do both of us good because it is also brings out my submissive nature and his dominance.


I don't think I consciously test him to know if he is paying attention to what I do but it is good for me to know that what I do is important enough that he notices when I fail to do it.  So often the chores I do are not obvious unless they don't get done.  If there are a few dishes piled in the sink I would not get spanked for that but if there is a full dishwasher load and another full load of dishes in the sink that would be evidence that I have not been keeping up with the dishes.  When something gets to the point where I deserve a spanking, there is no question that my HOH is being fair and that it was ultimately my choice to be spanked when I had plenty of chances to avoid a spanking.  Instead of laying a guilt trip on me or playing mind games, he takes care of business and we both feel better afterwards.


I don't like being spanked so I try to do what I need to do because I need to do it anyway and it will allow me to avoid being spanked, but maintenance or reminder spankings are less severe than punishment spankings so they are not as painful and the physical effects are not as long lasting.  I prefer maintenance spankings to avoid punishment spankings so in that way I know that I have been able to get back on track before getting too far off track that I earn a punishment spanking. 


Ideally, I would remember to keep up with everything that is my responsibility as a wife and mother but the reality is that I sometimes put too much effort and energy into things that are not productive.  I may spend too much time online or I might not manage my time effectively.  I have never been able to stick with routines very well and yet being on a schedule would be helpful when it comes to keeping up with everything in a timely manner.  My husband does not want to micromanage my time and yet it may be helpful to set timelines for getting certain things done.  He sometimes asks me to do something and then when I put it off to a later time I forget about it.  I keep a schedule of activities outside of the home so I may need to start scheduling things that need to be done inside the home in a similar way.


I have found that accountability is important for me.  If I am not held accountable there is not the same motivation for doing what I need to do.  I can be self-disciplined in most areas of my life but there are some things I need help with because I lack the self-discipline necessary.  Being disciplined with corporal punishment helps me become better self-disciplined once I practice developing good habits because then it becomes habitual and I don't have to think so hard to remember what needs to be done.  I want to have a home that I can be proud of without messes that make me ashamed of my housekeeping skills so spanking has been a useful tool in our household.  I would much rather face the humiliation of a spanking with my HOH than to feel ashamed about having guests in our home.  When everything is in its place as it should be, we can all relax and enjoy our home and each other's company.  That is very rewarding for me, thanks to my HOH giving me the maintenance spankings that happen from time to time when the reward is not enough and I need some extra motivation.

Why Me?

Consequences help me change things that I want to change for my own self-improvement. 






I would not put on my seatbelt if there were not a threat of getting spanked for forgetting.  I would take my chances of getting a ticket or even getting killed because those inconsistent consequences lack the consistency that being spanked for not wearing my seatbelt has for me.  I would drive while talking on the phone or texting if it was not something I would be spanked for because the chances of it being a problem would seem minor in comparison.  I would speed because everyone else does it and the cops can't stop everyone so I would get away with it like everyone else.  Because I have been spanked, I know what a spanked bottom feels like and I would rather drive with my seatbelt on, my phone in my purse, and within the speed limit than to drive with a sore bottom, LOL.  Other drivers are also safer as a result of my safe driving because I don't want to be disciplined for not obeying the rules.



I am currently working on something with regard to my own behavior.  We have a friend that is what you might call a "slow thinker" and for someone like me who often has "racing thoughts" it can seem like a very long time waiting for him to think.  In addition, I tend to be somewhat impatient.  What happens is that I will completely dominate a conversation with him because he does not get his words out fast enough for me and after a pause I will start talking again.  My HOH has already told me that I do this, mainly when I am nervous and seem to have a need to feel in control of the conversation.  It is not something I have paid attention to about my own communication style but I am paying attention to it now.  As a teacher, I know the "10 second rule" so I usually try to allow people a full 10 seconds to gather their thoughts but outside of a learning environment I am apparently not as good at it. 

At this time I have not been spanked for doing this because we are in the discussion stage where he has told me about this problem and I have told him that I will work on it.  I know that if I am not mindful of this issue there is a good chance it will take a more meaningful reminder, which is a spanking for me.  When I was told about my behavior I accepted the reprimand and agreed that I needed to do better or I would accept a spanking. 



I am not spanked for something without knowing that it will be a consequence first so the things I get spanked for are things I have agreed to change and for some reason fail to do so with willpower alone.  I don't want to dominate a conversation and not allow another person to talk because I am too impatient to wait for him to form his words before he can speak them.  That is a rude trait I have developed and I want to change it.  I would not have been aware of it unless my HOH pointed it out to me because what I am doing is filling what I consider unbearably long silences in the conversation.

I could choose to continue doing this and being viewed as rude but I want to do better in this area instead.  My husband is going to try to give me a signal when I am doing it so I can be more aware of it and if that does not help enough he will spank me for it.  I would rather avoid the spanking but honestly if I am to be spanked for it I recognize that it gives me added incentive to remember that the long pauses are going to be less painful than the spanking so I will wait and allow this man to speak.  I will feel better about my manners and he will feel better that he has a chance to contribute to the conversation.  My HOH will be pleased that I have changed this annoying behavior and when I tell him that he does something that annoys me he will be more willing to change because he sees that I am making the effort to change for the benefit of our relationship.


If, however, I were to respond in a way that told my HOH that his observation is his personal opinion and that I have the right to say what I want when I want to say it without caring how it affects him or this friend of his, my refusal to work on the issue would cause him to not want to have me around him when he is with friends because he would not want them thinking my rudeness is a reflection of him.  If I am doing the same thing with him and dominating conversations with him, he would not want to get into discussions with me at all and instead would become silent when I wanted to talk with him.  If I were to ask him to do something for me, it is more likely he would refuse because he would not feel I was being considerate of him and he therefore has no reason to consider changing something I have asked him to change.  I have seen this passive aggressive behavior in so many failed marriages that I don't want it to happen in mine.


I see this question come up repeatedly: Why am I spanked while he is not spanked?  The simple answer for me is because I submit to his authority.  I have agreed that he is the disciplinarian and I will submit to the authority I have given him as a result of my trust in his fairness.  I am okay with answering to a higher authority because I do it all the time in life and life is not always fair.  I trust him to be fair with me while also understanding that he will be as fair as humanly possible and therefore he has the potential to make mistakes too.  I am spanked for things I already know I am responsible for or for things I have been warned will earn me a spanking.  I know that he spanks me out of love and concern for my wellbeing, not for sadistic reasons that involve a personal enjoyment in my suffering.  The reason I am spanked is because my behavior is more hurtful than the spanking itself.

In cases of "misbehavior" I recognize that I personally need consequences to motivate me.  I am far better at making excuses to myself for why I did not do what needed to be done or why I did what I did but ultimately I end up disappointed in myself when I don't meet my own expectations.  He would never hold me to a higher standard than I expect from myself so it comes as no surprise that his disappointment mirrors my own.  What he does is to provide punishment as a motivator in a much healthier way than I would choose to punish myself.  When the spanking is over I get to start with a clean slate, something I would not allow myself because I would continue to hold past errors against
myself.   I know the spanking is going to hurt but I feel so much better afterwards because of this cleansing effect.

The way spanking helps me maintain a connection is through a submissive dependence on him that I sometimes resist with my more dominant independent nature.  Rather than telling him "so what, get over it" with my words or actions, I communicate to him that our relationship is important enough to work on, even when it is hard.  An attitude of "I'm sorry, please forgive me" does more to repair a relationship than an attitude of "I don't care what you think or feel because I am only concerned with what I think and feel."  


I don't always know when my behavior is hurtful because it is never my intent to hurt others so I need to hear how my behavior comes across to others so I can understand it from their viewpoint.  For example, my being late may be an issue of time management to me but to the person waiting for me it may seem more like an issue of disrespect.  Knowing that it is important to the other person that I am on time helps me make an extra effort to manage my time better so I am on time.  If I fail to manage my time properly and it comes across as disrespect, then I accept that I will be spanked for being late, no matter how easily I can justify my being late as no big deal, because it is a big deal to the other person.   Being spanked for being late helps set the message that being on time is important, no matter what the reason, and I will be more punctual in the future or suffer the consequences without argument, LOL.


So what if it is his problem and not mine?  When I am making an effort to make the relationship work, he can't help but do the same.  He could spank me for behavior he is also guilty of but then the lecture during the spanking would relate to him as well and he would have to take ownership for his own behavior as a way of setting an example.  For example, there are cases where a parent disciplines a child for something such as swearing while realizing that their own language may be to blame so they clean up their own choice of words as a means of setting a better example.  I am not a child but I still benefit from positive examples to follow.  In fact, it is his responsibility as an authority figure to make sure he is following the same "rules" I am to be held accountable for in the relationship and that keeps him accountable to me, even though he is not the one going across my knee for a spanking.



Another important reason I am spanked by him and not the other way around is because he is a spanker and I am not.  I cried when I had to spank my daughter for lying but it had to be done because if I had not spanked her for lying, as I told her I would, then I would be a liar myself.  I would prefer to leave the spanking to him because I am not suited to acting as a disciplinarian.  My daughter knows I have been spanked, even though she is not aware at the time I am being spanked for something.  I have just as much opportunity to avoid being spanked as she does by being the kind of person that I want to be.  


In my home there is a Christian context to obedience but it is not necessary in all relationships where domestic discipline is practiced.  I submit to male authority (as the HOH) because it feels natural and right to us both, but we also believe it is what God commands when describing how men and women should relate to each other.


Quite honestly, although I am the submissive one, I am more in charge of whether or not I will be spanked than he is because I am responsible for my behavior.  He can set limits and enforce consequences but it is up to me whether or not I will need to be spanked as a means of discipline.  For me a spanking is never without warning and often I get a second chance at avoiding a spanking if what I am doing is likely to result in my getting spanked.  On the occasions when I am spanked, it is just a small part of our overall relationship dynamics.


So, the answer to the "why me?" question is basically "because that is how it is!" and it works just fine that way.  ;)

Attitude

An integral part of being spanked is my acceptance and consent followed by a submissive attitude. 



My husband is not going to drag me kicking and screaming into a spanking because I have agreed to submit when a spanking becomes necessary to enforce consequences.  He needs me to trust him to deliver the spanking in a loving way and, because we love each other and want the best for each other, I trust him to be gentle with me while at the same time he needs to be firm.  I am not spanked for something without knowing that it will be a consequence first so the things I get spanked for are things I have agreed to change and for some reason fail to do so with willpower alone. 


In all honestly, I need consequences in order to help me change things that I want to change when requests and reminders fail.  Having the "threat" of a spanking seems to improve my memory and efforts significantly because I was raised with corporal punishment and I respond to it in a positive way (even though I was also abused as a child).  Of course I can just do what I need to do and never get spanked. 


I view spanking as punishment, which I don't like, with an additional benefit that it is a way of keeping the connection with my husband rather than having him sulk and withdraw, as a means of letting me know he is not pleased with something I have said or done while I am left trying to figure out exactly what it was I said or did.  Although I don't actually like being spanked, what I do like about a TIH (Taken In Hand) relationship is the male dominance within the context of a trusting relationship. Sometimes my lack of self-control can be overcome with my husband's control and we both benefit.  After a spanking I end up feeling closer to him because he is so loving and he cares about me so much.  Sometimes it is confusing how something that hurts so much can also feel so good at the same time, although the good feelings actually come after the physical pain has subsided somewhat.


In the past, I have been terrified of giving up control so the idea of submission has not come easy for me.  Since I had an abusive childhood, I sometimes wonder why I would even consider submitting to spankings as an adult when I have a choice in the matter.  I don't know if it is because of the abuse or in spite of the abuse that I feel a need for discipline as an adult.  I think it takes being physically dominated, as happens during a spanking, for me to be able to submit to my husband in other ways as well, due to my rebellious streak.  My father used to beat me into submission while my husband allows me to submit by choice.  I always hated my father for his excessive use of force while I don't have bad feelings towards my husband at all (then again, spankings are pretty mild compared to the beatings my father gave me while in a blind rage).  My father and my husband are so different that I relate to them in very different ways.  I don't necessarily see myself as repeating my past relationship with my father by submitting to physical punishment delivered by my husband but I do wonder if I would be as responsive to being spanked if I had not experienced corporal punishment growing up.


For me, corporal punishment is preferred because it is over and done with in a short time (with bruising making a more lasting impression that fades over time).  Because my husband was not spanked as a child, he understands how long term punishments reinforce a negative attitude rather than promoting a more positive attitude and for him it is all about adjusting an unacceptable attitude.  Spanking is the most effective attitude adjustment for me!  


I understand my need for consequences when I lack self-discipline, which is always my primary option over being punished. It is only when self-discipline fails that I am disciplined with a spanking.  I don't think it is difficult to grasp the concept of adult women being punished, and spanking as a means of punishment is not hard for women to understand when they are also spanked. It is those who are not spanked who have the most difficulty understanding the concept!

Redbottomed Redhead

As a redhead and a Leo, sometimes my red hot temperament results in a red hot bottom. 



It is not that I am a brat or that I am attention-seeking, it is just the natural result of my impulsive feminine nature.  There are times I take action before I think of the consequences of my actions and when that happens I am fortunate to have a HOH (Head of Household) who cares enough about the outcome of my behavior that he will take me in hand and give me an old fashioned over the knee spanking.  His temper is not as quick as mine so he gives me plenty of warnings with "the look" and with verbal reprimands in order to allow me to change my ways, and still there are times I don't heed the warning signs and it takes a firm hand to deliver the message during a sound spanking.  When his hard hand lands on my bare bottom, it can really hurt and sometimes the soreness lasts for a few days, but the lesson learned has a far longer lasting effect. 



I need his authority to guide me in a disciplinary way because, in all honesty, I lack the self-discipline I need to achieve the same results I do when I am motivated by consequences imposed by a loving dominant man.  I don't crave the punishment but I do desire the outcome when I am punished.  When I have done something wrong that I know will disappoint him because I am disappointed in myself, the emotional pain is overwhelming.  Being spanked releases that emotional pain and allows me to reach a state of mind where I can express my repentance and be forgiven.  Sometimes I cry tears of remorse but it is not the pain of the spanking alone that brings tears to my eyes, it is the relief that I have paid for my mistake and can learn from it to do better in the future.  This helps me become the kind of person I can be proud of so he can take pride in being my life partner.  He wants to protect me from the world but sometimes I can be my own worst enemy and it is good to be protected from my own misbehavior. 



It is good to know that I am loved so much because the erotic love we feel towards each other builds when there is harmony in our relationship and in our lives.  When some men get upset they withdraw into solitude but I don't have to wonder what I did wrong or how he feels about it because he spanks me instead of giving me his silent disapproval.  In a DD (Domestic Discipline) relationship there are no grudges because anything that has the potential to come between us instead brings us closer together during a spanking.